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原来面对残酷的现实需要很大的勇气, 一直期待奇迹出现的我终于接受了自己的残障，不再浪费时间等什么痊愈，不再窝在家那里都不想去。很幸运地现在已经可以慢慢走，上下楼梯只要有扶手就不成问题，没扶手只要有人陪就行，所以鼓起勇气往外走。
Facing the cruel reality needs a lot of courage. Even though I was still hoping for the miracle, I have accepted my disabilities. I decided not to waste my life nor waiting for the miracle healing, no longer locked myself at home. I was lucky because I can still able to walk even slowly. I can climb up the stair case with the arm rail. If arm rail is not available, I will ask for help.
首先，我申请了一张OKU(orang kurang upaya)的卡, 我开始学习出外走走，像从前一样，也要像正常人一样到处看看，但也察觉到不少残障者之不便。
Firstly, I applied for an OKU (orang kurang upaya) card; and started to go out just like before. I want to be normal, but also realized that many of physical disabilities inconvenient.
残障者出外面对最大的障碍就是厕所。所谓人有三急，没出门前总要打听那儿的厕所。以前因为卫生问题怎样都不会用的坐厕，现在成为唯一的选择。残障人的厕所成为储藏室是早有所闻，更糟糕的有些甚至锁起来，还得四处找寻负责人，大家解释说是因为有些不负责任的人胡乱使用而至。当然幸运的我总会有人相陪而迎刃而解。
The main problem I face is the restroom. Whenever I want to go out, I will inquire about the restroom condition. Previously, due to hygiene concern, I will never use sitting toilet bowl, but now it becomes my only way. Some of the disabilities restroom becomes the storeroom is not news anymore and some even locked; we must search for the person in charge. They explained that this is because the irresponsible person uses the facilities carelessly. Those obstacle can be overcome by me through helps of accompanies.
除此，还会发现对坐轮椅的残障朋友有些地方的确不方便，明明是写着残障人专用的跑道，却无端出现地面不平或有台阶。残障者的专用停车位被人占用。
Beside that we can discover that other wheelchair's friend will find some inconvenient, the special-purpose runway for physical disabilities for no reason will present the ground uneven or has a stair. The disable parking lot occupied by a perfectly normal person (maybe mentally disable..).
希望说因为政治人物周美芬的一场车祸，加巴星从楼梯的一跌而唤起大家的醒觉，让大家关注残障者的福利，使之得以稍为改善。
I hope that some recent incidents happened to our politician will increase our government’s awareness. Dato’ Chew Mei Fen’s traffic accident and Karpal Singh’s incident (fall from a staircase) are good examples of disable person’s basic facilities and welfare not being emphases in our country.
在报章上读到有关陈医生（槟城中央医院的麻醉师）的逝世,着实有些吃惊。原来还有人和我一样有动静脉畸型，同样在三十七岁时病发。差别在于她先有症状, 视线模糊去检查后得知，然后到国外去医治。医治后反而病发身亡，而我却是在毫无预兆下畸型的动静脉破裂导至左半身至今依然不灵活。
When I read about the news of Dr. Tan’s (an anesthetist in Penang General Hospital) death, I really shocked. Found someone like me, with AVM, (Arterious Venous Mal-formation) and ruptured at the age of 37.
The difference is she noticed the AVM because of her eye vision blurred. The AVM ruptured after her treatment in France. My AVM ruptured without any sign and cause me left sight weak even after a couple of years.
我真的比她幸运吗?我病发后至今依然活着，而她早已离开了人间。但也可以说她较幸运，病发后不必承受任何痛苦和担忧，就这样两脚一伸，什么也不必管。而我至今依然要努力奋斗，只要稍微偷懒，马上就全身疼痛。除了身体，有时还要考验精神上的耐力。
Am I really lucky? After the AVM ruptured, I still alive whereas she past away 2 years ago. But sometimes I feel that she is lucky because she did not need to struggler and worried. I have to work really hard every single day, whenever I was lazy my muscles will become tighten and I could feel the pain. This is a tough game for me and this is testing my patient.
但有时候会想就算今天的我依然正常，不也一样必须面对生活中的种种，只能说是上天给我一个机会看着我的孩子健康成长，让我们有一个健全和幸福的家庭。所以终于接受了医生及护士们常说的一句话：你很幸运因为你还活着。
But when I think twice, if I was normal as before, I still have to face a lot of problem in daily life. I had given another chance to accompany my children and form a happy family. Now I really believed in what the doctors and nurses told me: You are lucky because you are alive.
‘你痊愈了’这应该是每一个生病的人最期待听到的话。很幸运地今年的六月三日（零九年,中风后的三年半），在每年的定期检查后，医生对我也说了这么一句话:“ 你痊愈了!可以不用复症了!”
Every patient will be so keen waiting for the words ‘You are cured’ from the doctor. I was lucky to hear that from my neurosurgeon on 3rd June 2009 during my yearly checkup. (that was after my stroke for three and a half year)
但是这对我来说只是激起了一丝的快乐,因为我不必再到来扫描了.随伴而来的却是浓郁的失落感.怎么说呢? 我想这应该也是中风族的无奈. 医生只成功把脑里的动静脉异型给解决掉,至于中风后所留下的一切后遗症,一概没有答案.像我: 至今依然脚步缓慢, 偶尔还会失去平衡
However my happiness doesn’t last for long. I think that is a common experience for a stroke patient. The disappointment due to that’s nothing a doctor can do to help or promise that a stroke patient will become normal. The words ‘you are cured’ mean that I don’t have to do my yearly angiogram due to my AVM but not my condition. After three and a half years of struggle, I still walked slow, sometimes even out of balance. My muscle still tight especially my leg and all this disturb my life.
但回头一想:我還是应该感恩!首先网上的报告显示, 不少像我这类的病例, 动静脉异型经过电疗不但没有缩小, 反而扩大. 我已经算是非常幸运了.我已赚到了三年半的时间,肯定还有更长的时间.家里人的感情融洽.从此,带着两个孩子到首都不用躲在酒店里等我到医院扫描,可以轻轻松松地当个游客.不用每天担心那动静脉异型什么时候会再次破裂.可以更积极地面对未来的每一天.我非常感谢家里每一个人的谅解及包容.
Anyhow I think I should appreciate on what I had. Report shows that some of the cases after doing the XRS, the AVM diameters growing so their conditions become worse. After all I was lucky enough to earn three and a half years. I am so sure that I will many more years to accompany my family. My poor children don’t have to stay at the hotel waiting for me to do my angiogram. We can become a visitor; visit our capital – Kuala Lumpur together. I don’t have to worry when my AVM will burst again. I can face my future in a relax and confidence situation. I thanks for everyone that are so patient with me.
认识长生学要感谢一个吉兰丹的朋友，我是在他的坚持下到会场看看。当时对于长生学可说是一无所知，连要尝试想象的空间都没有。
打电话去询问时被告之这儿附近(吉打居林)有辆巴士到会场，但是我是根本不能上下巴士。于是好心的丈夫决定亲自载着我到槟城的爱心大厦去报到。当时看到出席者如此之众，心里虽然充满了问号，但心想就算要被骗也无妨，反正有那么多人陪。幸好当时那儿备有轮椅，不然以我当时走路的速度，需要整个小时才能走进礼堂坐下。
I knew about longivitory because of a friend from Kelantan. She insisted that I should attend a talk organized by longevity member. Even I had never heard of that. I made a call to the member and found out that there will be two buses leaving to attend the talk at a hall. With my condition I cannot went up and down the bus. So my kind husband decided to fetch me by himself. The moment we reached there, we saw a lot of people. In my mind, there was a lot of question to be answered. It should be worth a try; furthermore, lots of people did the same stupid thing. Luckily, they provided wheelchair service, with walking my speed; I need at least one hour to reach the place.
听到老师亲切肯定的语气，像是为我注入了一股力量。希望打从心底拥起，这就是我在寻找的，我又多了一项自救的方法。在这之前，每天晚上工人帮我按摩那僵硬的肩膀是必备的功课，不然的话，我就会全身疼痛，很难入眠。我心里在担心连续六晚没按摩行吗？我撑得过去吗？
After listening to the explanations from the master, it was like an energy and hope booster. I could again see lights at the end of the tunnel. This is what I want; I have found another way to help myself. Before this, I need my maid to massage my stiff shoulder before sleep in order for me to sleep tight without much pain. I was worried can I made it 6 nights consecutively without massage? Can I overcome it?
课才开始上，就有几位师兄师姐把手放在我的头上、肩膀、手及脚，当时的我有些紧张。也不知道他们在干什么，他们叫我尽量放松，感觉上有些舒服，一边听课一边被调整，偶尔也会进入睡眠状态。我总会赶快惊醒，因为要听课。有些时候他们又推我去开穴道。六个晚上我不但没有因为没按摩而全身疼痛，反而那僵硬的肌肉已完全放松。
At the beginning of the class, a few senior members rest they hands on my head, shoulder, hand and foot, I felt nervous. Wondering what is going on, they asked me to relax. I started to feel calm down and comfort myself. They did this while I listen to the talk. These 6 nights, my stiff muscles completely relief without massage and pain.
我也没因为白天忙工作，晚上忙上课而筋疲力倦。上完初级及中级班的六个晚上后，我依然觉得精神饱满。在物理治疗处手臂也能在无人的帮助下有力气拉动弹环，那对久没进步的我注入了一股力量。让我重新点燃那股逐渐在冷却的热忱，让我对自己的坚持重拾信心，相信明天真的能更好。
Even though, I work and attend talk at the same time, I completed the beginner and intermediate class without much problem or even tire. By the time I went back for my rehabilitee centre, I can stress the spring without any help. I felt so delighted because it was a long time I did not achieved any improvement. This gave me strength to continue with my work, this made me believe that that is still a chance for me to become better.
从那天开始，每天晚上我又多了一项功课，就是静坐。虽然至今手指依然不能弹动，但却完全没有萎缩。希望在不停地努力之下，可以慢慢地得到它的控制权。
Since then, I had an homework to do before I sleep. Even though I still cannot control my finger but it never shrink. I hope with my continuous hard works, I can gain back my power in the future.
备注:两千零九年三月八日至十三日将会于吉打居林举办长生学初/中级班.
p/s: The beginner and intermediate class will be held on 8th – 13th of March 2009in Kulim, Kedah.
今年的农历新年来得早，刚忙完开学，就得忙着买新衣办年货。虽说经济不景，但依然看到大家开开心心地大血拼。大家都说年是属于小孩的，对大人来说只是大出血，花钱如流水。其实我可有点不认同，新年应该是属于每一个人的，不管你此刻身在何处，最重要的是有好心情。其实前两年心情不是很好，好像感觉不到新年的气息，今年心情算是恢复正常，带着期待准备过新年。小孩过年肯定开心，长大后过年感觉虽然不再一样，但却是对新的一年充满着憧景，有着新的计划，抱着新的期待。重生后的我对过新年的心态也许不再一样，但对新年的盼望依然强烈。除了是久未碰面的亲戚朋友相见的好日子，也让忙碌的生活有个喘气的空间。 
Chinese New Year (CNY) is early this year. After school reopen, we start to prepare for the CNY. Even the economic is down but still lot of people shop happily. Most people said CNY is for children. For adult that is time where you have to spend money and I seem not fully agree. CNY is for everyone. It doesn’t matter where you are. The most important is your mood. Two years before this, my mood was not so good and I did not feel the environment of CNY. This year, I am looking forwards to it. No doubt; children will be the happiest one. As we become older, even the feeling changes but still hopes for the coming new year. Have a new planning and hopes in mind. After “reborn”, coming new year might be different but I still high hope for a better one. Besides meeting with relatives and friends, this CNY also allow our busy life to have a break. 
很小的时候对过新年的印象模糊，只知道说有得吃，有得穿美美，又有红包拿。稍微大一点后，就知道农历新年非常特别。每一年的三十晚我们会讨论或设计一、两道特别的菜肴，然后煮出来一起吃团年饭。那种感觉很兴奋也很期待。晚上会忙着接财神。接着就是双亲派压岁钱的时候了。我们会把压岁钱放在忱头下。
When we were young, the only thing that we still remember was lots of delicious food, nice dresses and “AngPow” during CNY. When we grow older, we realised CNY is so special. At new year eve; ”san zhap mei”, we will discussed and created one or two special dishes for that night. This made the dinner become exciting because of our new dishes. That night, we will welcome our ‘Cai Shen’. Then our parent will give us a red packet ‘ya sui qian’ which we will place it under our pillow until the next morning. 
接着大年初一全家总会到庙里烧香，那一天家里会持素半天。所以家人会一起吃早饭，然后去亲戚家拜年。过后大家会自由活动，爸妈在等后辈来拜年，我们就各自找朋友。由于年初一不能扫地洗衣，所以就只是吃喝玩乐。
The first day of CNY, we will go to the temple to pray. Then we were only allowed to have vegetarian food before noon. After breakfast, we will visit our relative. Then we will visit our friend. Our parent will stay at home waiting for other to visit. We were not allowed to sweep the floor nor to wash cloth. So on that day we will really enjoy ourselves.
年初二算是开年, 妈妈一早做了早饭，会先拜神。她会包好一堆小红包，每个二十仙（以前在学校能买一碗清汤面）放在冰箱上，谁开始做今年的第一份工就赏一个红包。兄弟姐妹就开始强红包大赛了。扫地，拿一个红包；抹地，拿一个红包；洗衣、晒衣、洗菜、切菜、洗碗、摆饭桌。。。各拿一个红包；感觉很好玩！妈妈也乐得清闲，会出去找朋友。
The second day is ‘kai nian’ where we started our work that day. After pray, my mother will place a lot of ‘ang pow’ on the refrigerator. Anyone of us that started to do our first job this year will get an ‘ang pow’. That is the time we had our fun, we started to chase for the ‘ang pow’. After sweeping the floor, we will get an ‘ang pow’; after mopping the floor, we will get a ‘ang pow’. Each time we finished a work, we are allowed to get a ‘ang pow’ for our selves. My mother will visit her friends.
年初三开始就像是恢复正常的生活，直到年初八又见到父母买一大堆的食物准备晚上拜天公。小时候住在广东人的地区，拜天公的人只占少数，但家里还是闹哄哄的。拜天公后还会即时斩烧肉配上红鸡蛋吃面条，很开心。不管如何累，第二天我们都必须带着熊猫眼上课。
The third day we will start our normal life back. Until the eighth day, my parent will buy a lot of food for praying the ‘tian gong’ that night. We were staying in a ‘cathenese’ community; those who is praying ‘tian gong’ were not much. After praying, we will eat the noodle with red egg and ‘siu ba’. No matter how tied we were, we had to go to school the next morning.
接着就是十五，由于是新年最后一天，拜了神明，又吃一顿大餐，我们那天晚上会收回所有的布置，让家里恢复新年之前的情景。
On the fifteenth day of the CNY, or the last day, we will pray and eat. After that, we will keep every thing back to normal means the CNY is over.
结婚有了孩子过后，心态又不一样了，要包红包给老的、小的，新年节目就是看电视及睡觉中渡过。不同的是全家人有时间坐下来谈天，拍一张全家福做记念。觉得新年时拜年这一项活动应该持续下去，让亲戚朋友在这个时候互相认识交流。看着孩子们跑啊、跳啊、唱啊，感受一下新年的气氛。在此恭祝大家牛年行大运，恭喜发财。After have child, the feeling of CNY is totally different. We had to give ‘ang pow’ to the elder and the 
younger. The activity for CNY are watching television and sleeping. The whole family will sit together and talk, that is the time we take family photograph for memory. I felt that we should visiting relatives and friends during CNY. That is a chance for you to know each other better. I wish everybody 'Happy New Year".
