回家后，第一件事就是要物理治疗，把自己的不能变成能。在医院只学会了坐和站。父亲从朋友口中知道了一家私人物理中心，于是自己就此进入了另一个世界。第一天到那儿认识了和蔼的张女士， 她马上要我从床上走到厕所，十一天来我第一次站起来走路，当时是左一人扶，右一人扶，还有一人要提我的左脚。那天晚上，我竟然可以提起左脚，我赶快打电话告诉爸爸。让我对以后充满了信心，当时的我以为只要我勤劳，三到六个月准能恢复正常。
可惜，人生总不能事事如意，我天天祈祷，希望有奇迹出现。结果天天带泪失望地睡着。梦里的我总是个会跑会跳的人，醒来后依然左边瘫痪。平时开心乐观的我原本一点都不担心，因为也见过好几位中风者痊愈了。 但是伤心失望终是难免。劝人的话从前自己也常对人说，现在明白到当事人只有一个念头：你又不是我，你怎会了解。原来做起来比说难上好几万倍。
这个时刻家人的支持最为重要，我很幸运有一个好丈夫及好爸爸。丈夫虽然忙着工作但每晚总会好话说尽，当时确实听不进，但经验告诉我，家人及朋友的劝告不可间断。它会让我们鼓起勇气向前进。当时的我心情坏透，根本不想说话也不想见人，因为我开始失去勇气不断回忆那段恐怖的遭遇。爸爸虽然不多话，但总是尽量安排载我去物理治疗。每天我都会收到好几个远方朋友所传来的短讯，老实说当时的确很受用。我开始每天到物理治疗处报到，每天重复几种呆板的运动，问题是我也总是做不到。人生这一条道路总要往前走，于是我开始明白这一条路不好走。
After I went home, the first thing I did was to search for a rehab centre; I just hoped that miracle will happen. I learnt to sit and stand in the hospital. Then my father found a rehab centre in Kampung Sirih, Bukit Mertajam. I walked into a different world since then.
The very first day, I met a nice lady name Madam Diong. When I said I wanted to go to the toilet, she asked me to walk. This was the first time I walked since stroke. I walked to the toilet with the help of three people. One on the right and one on my left side both holding my arms, another one was lifting my left foot. That night, I managed to lift up my foot. I told my father immediately. I was so confident that if I work hard enough I will gain back my strength within 3 to 6 months.
However in our life things won’t happen as we planned. Even though I pray every day and night, the miracle didn’t happen. I wet my pillow every night. I can run and jump in my dream, but when I woke up my left side still paralyzed. I was a happy woman and always think positively. I knew a few stroke survivors who become normal now. But I still feel sad and disappointed with my unknown future. Whenever others tried to advise us, we as a patient will always think that you are not in my shoe, how do you know my feelings?
Moral support from the family is the most important thing to encourage the patient. I am lucky to have a supportive and understanding husband and father. Every night my husband will try to motivate me to make me feel better. At that moment I was still in denial and cannot accept my condition. I feel that the encouragement from the family members and friends shouldn’t stop. That will make us brave enough to face our problems. I felt really bad, I don’t want to talk and meet anyone. This is because I do not want to repeat my story over and over again. My father didn’t talk much but he always tried his best to fetch me to the rehab centre. I received a few SMS from my friends everyday. It really helps. I went to rehab centre everyday and repeat the same physical exercises that I can’t even do. I know that life have to move on and still a long way to go.
我开始学会看眼前及珍惜眼前。出院至今由远自彭亨的小姑照顾我，邻居小青替我煮午餐及晚餐，还请了个钟点工人来打扫家里。朋友秀兰天天过来陪我并协助我做运动。眼看一个月快过去了，我心里也开始着急，我还不能自行走路，要上厕所也要喊人，小姑假期也快完了。我明白到日子总要自己继续过，当下之即是先找个好佣人。
于是我开始祈祷赶快找个佣人，帮忙照顾我及小女儿。终于女佣来了，她心肠很好，很疼女儿。我伤心时还会陪我流泪。虽然做工有点慢，但胜在肯学又勤劳，于是放心多了。
学校开学了，女儿换了新的幼儿园，开始新生活，每天下午还随阿姨或外公去他们家做功课。我也开始新的生活，虽然带着泪，但依然坚持在工人的陪同下天天到物理治疗处报到。‘希望明天会更好’成了我最新的口头弹。
After I went home, the first thing I did was to search for a rehab centre; I just hoped that miracle will happen. I learnt to sit and stand in the hospital. Then my father found a rehab centre in Kampung Sirih, Bukit Mertajam. I walked into a different world since then.
The very first day, I met a nice lady name Madam Diong. When I said I wanted to go to the toilet, she asked me to walk. This was the first time I walked since stroke. I walked to the toilet with the help of three people. One on the right and one on my left side both holding my arms, another one was lifting my left foot. That night, I managed to lift up my foot. I told my father immediately. I was so confident that if I work hard enough I will gain back my strength within 3 to 6 months.
However in our life things won’t happen as we planned. Even though I pray every day and night, the miracle didn’t happen. I wet my pillow every night. I can run and jump in my dream, but when I woke up my left side still paralyzed. I was a happy woman and always think positively. I knew a few stroke survivors who become normal now. But I still feel sad and disappointed with my unknown future. Whenever others tried to advise us, we as a patient will always think that you are not in my shoe, how do you know my feelings?Moral support from the family is the most important thing to encourage the patient. I am lucky to have a supportive and understanding husband and father. Every night my husband will try to motivate me to make me feel better. At that moment I was still in denial and cannot accept my condition. I feel that the encouragement from the family members and friends shouldn’t stop. That will make us brave enough to face our problems. I felt really bad, I don’t want to talk and meet anyone. This is because I do not want to repeat my story over and over again. My father didn’t talk much but he always tried his best to fetch me to the rehab centre. I received a few SMS from my friends everyday. It really helps. I went to rehab centre everyday and repeat the same physical exercises that I can’t even do. I know that life have to move on and still a long way to go.
我开始学会看眼前及珍惜眼前。出院至今由远自彭亨的小姑照顾我，邻居小青替我煮午餐及晚餐，还请了个钟点工人来打扫家里。朋友秀兰天天过来陪我并协助我做运动。眼看一个月快过去了，我心里也开始着急，我还不能自行走路，要上厕所也要喊人，小姑假期也快完了。我明白到日子总要自己继续过，当下之即是先找个好佣人。
于是我开始祈祷赶快找个佣人，帮忙照顾我及小女儿。终于女佣来了，她心肠很好，很疼女儿。我伤心时还会陪我流泪。虽然做工有点慢，但胜在肯学又勤劳，于是放心多了。
学校开学了，女儿换了新的幼儿园，开始新生活，每天下午还随阿姨或外公去他们家做功课。我也开始新的生活，虽然带着泪，但依然坚持在工人的陪同下天天到物理治疗处报到。‘希望明天会更好’成了我最新的口头弹。 在运动的过程中，总会习惯性为自己定下目标，一个月后希望能做这个或那个动作，或至少能增加能力。但在这几个月中进步缓慢。我早上六点半起床就要女佣开始帮忙我做运动，吃了早餐，送了女儿上幼儿园，我又继续努力。下午两点吃了午餐后，父亲或妹妹会送我到物理治疗处继续努力。
I started to learn how to appreciate things. My sister in-law from Pahang is taking care of me these day, my neighbour Xiao Ching helped to prepare our lunch and dinner, I engaged a temporally maid to do our house work. My friend Xiu Lan came to accompany and assist me. One month later, I started to worry; I still unable to walk by myself. I need help whenever I need to go to the toilet. My sister in-laws have to go home. I have to face the fact that I need to figure out how to continue my own life.
I pray that I can get a good maid. My maid (Masni Rositi) managed to reach before my sister in-law went home. She is a kind woman. She took good care of my little girl. She sympathizes my situation and always cry together with me. She was slow but hardworking.
The school started, I changed my daughter to a nearer kindergarten, and she also started her new school life. Everyday after lunch, my sister or my father will take me to the rehab centre, the maid will come along; my daughter will follow her aunty or grandfather. I always hoped that tomorrow will be better.
During the exercises, I will always set a target, hoping that after a certain period I can perform exercise without assistance, or at lease increase my strength. But unfortunately my target can’t be achieved. When the time passes by, I can’t see any improvement. I woke up at 6.30 in the morning and with the help from the maid I will do my exercises. After breakfast, my daughter will go to the kindergarten. I will continue with my limited exercises. At 2 o’clock after lunch, my father or sister will take me to the rehab centre again.
Somehow, the progress is very slow and seems stagnant. This really upset me. Month after month, my baby grows. With the paralyzed left limbs, I felt rather difficult to breath and walk. The physiotherapist told me my walking style is incorrect. I felt hopeless and frustrated. Disappointment rolled like a snow ball. I felt really sad. Each time I met someone I knew, without hesitate, I out burst. I even cried during exercise. I know that I shall not bust out like this and I must change. There are hundreds of people around who struggle to breathe everyday. I told myself life must go on, at least until the delivery.
I started to learn how to appreciate things. My sister in-law from Pahang is taking care of me these day, my neighbour Xiao Ching helped to prepare our lunch and dinner, I engaged a temporally maid to do our house work. My friend Xiu Lan came to accompany and assist me. One month later, I started to worry; I still unable to walk by myself. I need help whenever I need to go to the toilet. My sister in-laws have to go home. I have to face the fact that I need to figure out how to continue my own life.
I pray that I can get a good maid. My maid (Masni Rositi) managed to reach before my sister in-law went home. She is a kind woman. She took good care of my little girl. She sympathizes my situation and always cry together with me. She was slow but hardworking.
The school started, I changed my daughter to a nearer kindergarten, and she also started her new school life. Everyday after lunch, my sister or my father will take me to the rehab centre, the maid will come along; my daughter will follow her aunty or grandfather. I always hoped that tomorrow will be better.
During the exercises, I will always set a target, hoping that after a certain period I can perform exercise without assistance, or at lease increase my strength. But unfortunately my target can’t be achieved. When the time passes by, I can’t see any improvement. I woke up at 6.30 in the morning and with the help from the maid I will do my exercises. After breakfast, my daughter will go to the kindergarten. I will continue with my limited exercises. At 2 o’clock after lunch, my father or sister will take me to the rehab centre again.
Somehow, the progress is very slow and seems stagnant. This really upset me. Month after month, my baby grows. With the paralyzed left limbs, I felt rather difficult to breath and walk. The physiotherapist told me my walking style is incorrect. I felt hopeless and frustrated. Disappointment rolled like a snow ball. I felt really sad. Each time I met someone I knew, without hesitate, I out burst. I even cried during exercise. I know that I shall not bust out like this and I must change. There are hundreds of people around who struggle to breathe everyday. I told myself life must go on, at least until the delivery.
总之人算不如天算，日子天天过，进步却像不再属于我。我像是在原地踏步，心焦如焚的我开始有点失望，心情非常低落。一个又一个月过去，肚子慢慢大起来了。走起路来虽然勉强可以，但却有些困难，治疗师却老是说姿势不对。心里头的希望越来越小，失望却越滚越大。当时的我是最难过的，逢见相识的人必哭。连做运动时都在掉泪。最后， 自己清楚明白不管怎样都要走出谷底。世上还有很多人每天以微弱的呼吸来维持生命。生命总要延续下去，我告诉自己必须重新调整心情，等生了孩子再说。
注： 三年后的今天我依然打起精神往物理治疗中心走去，只是如今的我换成一星期报到两次，而且是自己驾车去。我不知道这一条路还必须走多久。但一切都已不再重要。我珍惜所拥有的一切，也感谢一路走来每一个曾经直接或间接帮助过我的人。不管所伸出的援助是多么的弱小，它却在我心里留下无数的涟漪。衷心的感谢大家。特别是我亲爱的丈夫及敬爱的爸爸。
p/s: It has been three years now and I still heading the rehab centre without slight decrease in spirit. The only different is the frequency where only twice a week. I already back to work and able to drive an auto-transmission vehicle. I do not know how long this journey is going to be, and now, it is no longer matter me. I appreciated better what I possessed and grateful to those who supported and encouraged me. No matter how small it was, it helps. Thanks to you, and special dedication to my beloved husband and father.
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