感恩Appreciation/ gratitude

因为中风，让我放慢了脚步。也让我开始有时间注意身边的事与物，我有机会学习如何珍惜并感恩。
Because of stroke, I have to slow down. This gave me a chance to observe things that happened around me and learnt how to appreciate.
从小，就知道自己其实很幸福，从小到大没吃过什么苦头。做任何事都没尝试过大挫折。三十七岁之前一切算是顺顺利利，毕业、工作、结婚、生女儿，怀个儿子。我每个星期总会去游泳，偶尔也会跑步。吃的东西尽量少油少盐少糖，少肉多菜，不吃三白，（白米、白糖、白面粉）因为害怕遗传妈妈的糖尿病及高血压。勤劳的时候会自己煮，当然像大家一样，懒惰时会到外用餐。
I was a lucky one since I born. Before I was 37 years old, I seldom face any problem. After graduated I worked, then I got married, gave birth to a beautiful girl and then got pregnant again. I went to swimming every week, sometimes I jog. If I cooked I will use less sugar, less salt, less oil, less meat and more vegetable. I didn’t eat white rice, sugar and flour because I worried that I would inherit my mother’s diabetes and high pressure. Of course some time we went out for dinner.
我总是健健康康的，是个很少生病的人。我没有高血压、糖尿病、高胆固醇。我总会为自己盘算，人生算是照着计划走，谁知道坪天一声响，竟然中风。中风初期医生也怀疑我有高血压，给我高血压的药物。一个月后，经过反复检查及肯定后，就把药物给豁免了。一向来就清楚明白健康的重要，一旦失去的感觉异常难受。
I always was a healthy one, seldom fall sick. I didn’t have high blood pressure, neither diabetes, nor high cholesterol. Life as per always planned. But who knows, stroke came with surprise. The doctor suspected I had high blood pressure; they gave me medication for that. After a month and several times of follow-up, they stopped the medication. All the while, I knew that healthy is the most important thing in life, this unexpected change makes me feel very difficult to accept it.
一向来都是我有机会总是会常常帮助人，没想到现在的我却处处要人帮。开始的时候很难适应，总会因此而难过老半天。过后却又会生自己的气，觉得自己不中用。一个远方的朋友劝我说就当着我给别人一个机会做善事，我们谢谢他的同时，她也有机会积福。于是只好自己赶快改变心态，开始乐意接受别人的帮助。但自己也清楚事事求人帮忙，久了人家也总是会开始有冤言，不是每个人都那么有耐心，人总是会累。人一累就会失去了耐性。有些人虽然也帮助你，但就会习惯碎碎念。他们不知道其实这样会让我的心灵受伤。
I always tried to help others when I could. But now I need help in every moment. I felt really bad each time in the beginning. I started to blame myself, felt useless. Then a friend told me to take it easy, she asked me to think that we are giving a chance for others to perform good things. They will get rewards for their good works. I should stop feeling guilty and this really help to make me feel better. I knew that if I always asked for help, when times pass that person will start to sigh. Not everyone will be patient, a person will feel tire too. When he or she tired, they will lose their patient. I did meet with someone that mumbled while helping you. They did not know that really hurts me.
原本我打算一切都等我完全好了才说，谁知道一天又一天过去，要完全好转的时刻不知有多遥远。当别人不停地问好点了吗？我总是不知道该如何回答。于是我下定决心告诉自己什么事情都尽量重新开始学习，要把以往所懂得的都忘掉，慢慢地在能力的极限里寻找一条新的出路。我也曾经非常生气，但很快地我醒觉到抱怨及生气并不能帮助我，所以我选择了接受。我开始学习感恩，不去留念以往的一切并珍惜现在所拥有的一切。我要继续往前看，前面依然有条路，我不能停在原地，我需要的是改变步伐往前走。
I wanted to start all over again when I gain back all my strength. But when time passes, I couldn’t see any lights from the other side of the tunnel. When others keep on asking did you feel better, I became speechless and depress. I decided to start all over again, need to learned and unlearn. With my limited movement, I need to find something best suit me. I used to angry, but I realized that anger and sigh doesn’t help, so I choose to accept, accept who I am now. I learn to appreciate what I have now. I have to keep looking forward without fear. I have to change my life style and keep going. I promise myself that I won’t stop.
我开始学习穿衣、穿鞋、拿轻便的东西，有时候与其他的病患互相讨论如何照顾自己，更多的时间在自己想办法该如何自救。于是我除了物理治疗里的运动，还有数不完学习，生活变得很充实，时间根本不够用。我也因此开始学习驾起车来。因为设定了一个目标，生活顿时充满意义。因此一个人要选择积极开心地过或消极失望地过，就在病患的一念之间，而其家人的支持尤为重要。病患应该清楚告诉自己别生气，其实真的无人能帮助你重新站起来，只有你自己能帮忙自己。
I learnt how to wear cloth and how to handle light things by myself. I review with other patient on the correct method to take care ourselves. Sometimes I will think how to do things right. So now I was really busy, beside exercise in rehab centre, I had a lot of new things to learn. There was no free time for me. I learnt how to drive. I set goal, and my life became more meaningful. Patient can decide their own life; to live happily or otherwise. Support from the family members is crucial too. The stroke patient has to be cleared: nobody can help them accept themselves. Please don’t be mad with others because you are the only one that should and could help yourself.
我算是相当的幸运，除了家人还有一些好朋友肯帮忙。就佛教的角度来说：我的中风是我的业障，得到那么多的帮助是我的福报。
I think I was a lucky one because besides my family members, I have some friends that willing to help. In Buddha, I had my stroke because of the sin in my passed, but I have so many help is my rewards for the good things I did in this life, I supposed.
注：我所要强调的是病患必须赶紧纠正自己的心态，人总不能一直靠别人，记得小时候老师在纪念册的一句话：靠山山会倒，靠水水会流，凡事都要靠自己。因此不管你身在怎样的状况，记得要努力加油！！
p/s: What I would like to stressed is a patient must made their mind clear, we can not always depend on others. No matter how your condition is, must keep on trying, do not give up easily!